"A friend of mine once tried to tell me that the best sex I'd ever have... would be with my wife. He was right."
Carlsberg Beer commercial
Imagine a beer commercial uttering a profound philosophical truth. I was delighted and surprised to see it when it aired, showing a sexy young couple meeting for an erotic rendezvous at a roadside motel. The camera focused on their steamy embrace at the door, their passionate kiss on the bed...and their matching wedding bands.
Marriage is a sexual thing. As much as we may wish to deny it, or cover it up with doilies and lace veils, marriage only exists because of fundamental physical attraction and romantic love between two people. Marriage isn't even considered legally valid unless it has been consummated, a fact which allowed the medieval royal houses of Europe to navigate deftly around the Catholic church's prohibition on divorce. We have known it for centuries. Marriage, in its purest form, is sex.
In this day and age, as I explore in other pages, marriage is no longer an economic necessity, a social requirement, a religious ritual or the foundation for children. The only thing left, then, is sex. Two people marry these days only because they choose to. They may consider some of the above: they may be religious or believe that children should only be born in wedlock, but that doesn't change the reality that these days, no one, no woman or man, absolutely must get married, for any reason. Marriage has finally become the thing it was always meant to be; the greatest romantic and sexual expression of your life.
I maintain, therefore, that the words "husband" and "wife" are strictly sexual terms and should rank right up there with "babe", "hunk" or any other word that implies the most sexually exciting and fulfilling partner you can imagine. When a man mentions "my wife" at work he should blush a little, embarrassed at having mentioned his ideal sexual partner within earshot of Dave from shipping. Your wife is your Playboy centerfold, your dream lover, your sex toy with whom you can safely and joyously explore all your wildest dreams. Your husband is your midnight lover, your cowboy stud, the man to worship your body and let you free yourself to enjoy sex. Marriage allows you the glorious freedom to revel in your sexuality, to be fully masculine and fully feminine without feeling the need to hide behind political correctness or suppress your nature in the name of propriety.
There is a reality out there that dictates how men and women feel about sex. Ignore feel-good books and talk shows that endorse the idea of "anything goes." Anything does not go. Men are dominant, sexually speaking, and women are submissive. All this means, in old fashioned terms, is that a woman likes to be pursued and a man likes to pursue her, a woman likes a man to initiate sex with her and a man likes to initiate (provided he knows his advances will be welcome) and that the romance novel heroines who cry "take me!" are actually expressing a real feminine desire to be 'taken' by a dominant man that they feel safe and secure submitting to. It does not mean that men are superior to women, that women are weaker than men or that there is any inequality between the sexes or within marriage at all. It simply means that within a marriage to someone you adore, you can enjoy being the sex you are, and will therefore love the sex you have.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you marriage is only sexual when you're young; if you're eighty-five, been married sixty years and have no interest in sex whatsoever anymore, your marriage still started out as a sexual relationship. Your husband still remembers the sweet young thing he giggled under the covers with, your wife still remembers the dashing young man who made her heart flutter when he kissed her for the first time. The love you feel for each other now is the kind that grows steadily and sweetly from that kind of romantic intimacy.
Let your marriage be sexual, then. Enjoy your sexuality. Enjoy your marriage. Marry only the person that excites your mind, body and soul, and revel in your sexuality together. Make your husband laugh at the idea of cheating on you. Make him think "I will never find a more fulfilling partner than the woman who waits for me when I get home." It is true that most husbands would be thrilled if their wives paid more attention to them sexually, enjoyed sex with them more. If every man started out his day with a gentle caress of his penis, a whispered "You are the sexiest man I've ever met, I love you very much" and a sensual kiss, I wager there'd be a lot less road rage on the way to work. Also, if husbands made an effort to tell their wives how attracted they are to them, if they took their time in lovemaking and focused lovingly on her pleasure, a lot more wives would enjoy sex and feel better about themselves and their bodies.
So if sexually and romantically satisfying marriages are possible, why, then, do so many people believe just the opposite? Why are there so many sexless marriages, so many instances of infidelity, such a widespread pessimism about the happiness of married people?
Because no one has ever said different. Until now.
I will be the voice of dissent, and state categorically that marriage can bring out a passion and sexual freedom you never thought possible. Your sexual pleasure will grow with each passing year, you will experience pleasures you didn't know existed and you won't have to steel yourself against the temptation of sex with others, because, if you have married for the right reasons, the person you go to bed with each night is the only person in the world you truly desire.